Homonculus

Went to spit at this open mic called “Poets Groove” at the Blue Nile last night. Performances can be hit-or-miss when you’re a no-name like me. Also, I haven’t really developed my stage presence - I just stand still and spit. So having said that one can imagine I’m not very excited about rapping for people anymore.

I’ll never find my crowd. I decided I have to make one. I have to make a group of people who like to rap the way I do; all the time if someone is around to rap with us. I’m not saying there isn’t a rap community in the Twin Cities - there probably is - but only amongst the A-listers who already got out the mud and do show’s together. And I personally don’t have any desire to share a circle with any of them - never really did.

Cynically speaking, I’ve been to the Nomad, I’ve been to the Triple Rock, I’ve been to Hell’s Kitchen - where all these guys hangout and get paid to rap for drunk people. And though they, and by they I mean “them” - I don’t have any names to call in particular - have gained lots of experience and have moved up from the open mic level, I don’t look up to them. A part of me even suspects that they look down on us who still have to rhyme for free.. which makes me resent them incidently. Therefore, I find myself in the position of a sort of Abel..

Met with a singer a couple days ago about starting this experimental HipHop, Electro-Soul band that I haven’t named yet. She was down but, I’m not sure how to write a song with her except locking ourselves in a room with a beat, pens and pads.

Its hard to remember that this Blog, Homonculus, is supposed to be about my music. I can get in these ruts though where I’m just writing about loneliness and more loneliness and forget to stay focused on music. But I guess I’ve been experiencing more loneliness than music so, that’s what I’ve been writing.

I need more musical experiences before I get depressed.

I also need a drummer/percussionist and a keyboardist to finish the quintet: Emcee/Beatboxer, Singer/Poet, Drummer/Percussionist, Keyboardist and one Bassist. However, without a space to rehearse and record in, I don’t know how we’ll ever get anything accomplished. Therefore… I should try to get my own apartment by the end of January. Or at least a roommate.

Since I’ve been back to Minneapolis I’ve been bumping back and forth between sleeping at my girlfriend’s house and my dad’s apartment without having the privelage to call either place home, let alone the right. There may be nothing else to add to this blog entry. I could very well attempt to make it a long read but.. matters are very simple: I am looking for my home; a place to belong. Its somewhere here in this city.

Perhaps the time has come to embrace the loneliness and use this time to find a roommate on Craigslist.